So now we are at the part where I am in the now. This month has been EXTREMELY difficult for me. In some ways I feel it has been the hardest month yet. I knew it would be. At the beginning of the month, we went to Vegas with Andy’s company. Before I went, I decided that I was just gonna let my hair down and have fun. I wasn’t going to be insecure, anxious, mad, or sad. I was just going to have fun and let my quick weekend be a fairy tale. While we were there, the first day we went on dune buggies, that night got our hair and makeup done, went to dinner and went to Michael Jackson ONE Cirque du Soleil. It was really fun. I was myself and tried not to think of anything else but having fun. I was in Vegas right?
The second day the boys went golfing
while the girls went to the salon. I had heard that they did the famous Balayage (sombre, the natural looking ombre) I had wanted that done for a while, but wasn’t sure about doing it. I decided why not do it in Vegas. I thought it would be fun and they were known for that specific way of coloring, so I thought there could be no harm in it. Well…. I was wrong. Most likely due to crazy hormones, my hair went crazy. It wouldn’t take to the bleach and ended up orange.
My hair has ALWAYS taken to bleach really well, so this was of course a huge shock to me and quite depressing. Due to the major damage, I had to chop it. It’s never easy to chop your hair, let alone when you don’t want to. But it will grow right.
So, March had a hard beginning, a little fun thrown in there and then continued to get harder. My little brother who has had many health challenges (has had cancer twice), was starting to have some health scares ( luckily all is ok). Those scares on top of having another miscarriage were causing me much anxiety. So much so that I just couldn’t sleep and was having pins and needles all through my body from carrying so much stress in my back. Not to mention seeing all the people who are due the same time as me post pictures of their healthy, beautiful babies. Don’t get me wrong. I am happy for them! Just sad for me. I had my mother in law in town for a few days and that was nice. We talked a bit about what I have been going through this month and it was nice to get her support. Since she left, I have tried to focus on my boys and not whether or not I was pregnant, but when I didn’t get pregnant, is when I decided to start this blog. I was feeling so down and discouraged and knew how difficult it was going to be to face March 28th with not much hope in sight for my future. We have since decided to wait. Right now is my time to heal, “our” time to heal. Writing about it has helped. I have started to feel a bit of a weight off my shoulders. I still continue to feel very emotional as we approach Saturday but we’ll get through it.